


Warm, Starry Night

by boonon



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Teenage Drama, more characters to come prolly, slice of life i guess, slight coming of age, slight fluff on some chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-09 10:12:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7797808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boonon/pseuds/boonon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two stories of one friendship told a year apart. Seungkwan and Vernon have been best friends for years, and now they're miles away from home and attending university. Set both in 2015 and 2016, Warm, Starry Night is a story on self-discovery, love, and friendship, and how all these change in one year.</p><p>Rated Teen and Up because of swear words used and alcohol usage of some characters.</p><p>(Previously titled as 'Rainy Blue')</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Vernon and Seungkwan fanfic. :) It will probably contain 20+ chapters, so please bear with me haha!
> 
> I'm quite new to writing, so please let me know how I can improve the story as it progresses! :D

**2015**

The sound of the alarm has woken Seungkwan up. He opened his eyes only to be welcomed by a dim and small room. Rubbing his eyes, he grabbed his vibrating and loud phone to turn off the alarm and to check the time as well. 6:01am. Great, he thought. Enough time to go to university and finish his homework that’s due at 8.

Before locking his phone, he noticed that his mom messaged him last night.

 

> “good evening son. have you eaten already? take care.”

 

It has been more than five months since he came here to Seoul to study. Five months and his mom still texts him to make sure he’s safe and is eating well.

He didn’t come from a well-off family, with only his mother’s humble restaurant funding the Boo household’s expenses. That is why when he received a letter one day that he got a scholarship in an art university, he spent the whole day crying in his room—thinking about how his mother worked hard for him and how he can repay all of these soon. Seungkwan smiled at that thought and replied to his mom.

 

> “mom, sorry i only get to reply now. i ate dinner last night and got my tummy full with samgyupsal. good morning!!! :) make sure to eat breakfast and drink your meds.”

 

Of course what he texted was the truth if samgyupsal was ever synonymous to a cup of ramen. But it wasn’t. He didn’t want his mom to worry about him, his rising expenses for his subjects, and his salary from his part time job still not being given.

He got off his bed and right beside it is Vernon lying on the cushion spread on the floor. Covered in white sheets with the upper part of his face peeking, Vernon looked angelic and at ease, although Seungkwan could tell he drank a couple cups of beer last night. The whole room reeked of the smell of alcohol, a smell that Seungkwan disliked and had told Vernon that he disliked it many times. Clearly, someone’s not listening.

“Whatever,” he whispered to himself. He didn’t have that much time to bother him today anyway. After taking a bath and wearing the remaining shirt and jeans he has in his closet, he grabbed his bag and left the room silently.

 

 

While in the bus, Seungkwan realized that he forgot that he has a shift for his part time job after class. He rummaged through his bag only to discover that he didn’t bring his uniform with him. Just as he was about to text Vernon, he received a message from him:

 

> “u forgot ur uniform. again. and yep bringing this to u lunch time. see u.”

 

He sighed in relief.

If there’s anything more that Seungkwan’s thankful for, it would be Vernon and his family. At about the same time Seungkwan received his acceptance letter in the university (and after locking himself in his room for a day), he found out that his best friend also got in the same university as him. With both their families having great ties over the past five years, their parents decided to let them live in a small studio to cut off their expenses.

The bed, or “bed with legs” as Seungkwan and Vernon officially called it, originally belonged to Vernon while the cushion on the floor was Seungkwan’s. But Vernon offered to let them switch beds every other week, saying he wanted to “get his back straight once in a while,” which Seungkwan agreed without hesitation. After all, they’ve been sharing a lot of their things for years now.

“With you guys being _this_ close, are there still things you don’t know about each other?” their high school friend once asked them, followed by a giggle.

Seungkwan has been with Vernon for five years now, and between him knowing Vernon’s sleeping habits and Vernon crying on his shoulders when he broke up with his first girlfriend, what is there that he does not know about Vernon? And what is there that Vernon does not know about Seungkwan?

The bus stopped right in front of the university and poked his train of thought. He shook his head and got off.

 

 

“Here you go, Boo,” Vernon said as he placed the paper bag on the table and sat in front of Seungkwan. “You always forget your uniform. Good thing you have me.”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes. “Thanks, Vernon. I guess you forget things if you really don’t like it. Especially this bright green ugly vest.” He dragged the paper bag to the empty seat beside him.

“Did you buy food already?” Vernon asked.

“Nope.” Seungkwan brought out his wallet and gave Vernon money.

Vernon looked at the money, then looked at the guy in front of him. “I’m the one buying for us?”

“Problem?”

“Yeah,” Vernon teased, raising his eyebrows and half-smiled.

“Well, I have one too. The room smelled alcohol when I woke up earlier and as far as I can remember, I don’t drink. What time did you get home?”

“Around 1am. Wait, why am I even obliged to tell you this? You aren’t my mother,” he retorted.

Seungkwan looked at him with dead eyes. He returned the money back to his wallet and told him, “I am not your mother but Mrs. Chwe entrusted you to me. But oh well, I guess I just have to tell her that you drank beer yet again--”

Before Seungkwan could speak again, Vernon held his hand and flashed a smile to him. “Boo, our favorite chicken’s your order right? My treat.”

Seungkwan laughed. “Hey come on, I was joking. But thanks for the treat, Vernonnie.” He pinched Vernon’s cheek, turning Vernon’s wide smile to a faint and shy laugh.

As Vernon was about to walk towards the counter, Seungkwan called him. Vernon turned his head back and whispered a “why?”

Seungkwan thought of the things that Vernon does not know about him. There weren’t many, but these things are the types of secrets that everybody’s afraid to tell, to confess. Things that you wanted someone to know, but can’t.

He looked at Vernon that’s waiting for his reply, and he admired how a strand or two of his hair got loose and hanged in front of his forehead. How his lips formed an ‘o’. How his eyes showed gentleness.

He wanted to tell all of these to him right now, but can’t. So for now, Seungkwan smiled, wrapped all of his thoughts and said, “Buy me an ice cream, too.”

To which Vernon happily approved.

 

 

**2016**

7pm. Vernon just finished his five-hour shift from the café just near the studio room.

Entering the building where the room was, he recalled how Seungkwan would tell him that he only got his job as a barista because of his good looks and English skills, and not because of his coffee-making skills. He didn’t argue because it _was_ true—he’s clumsy and doesn’t know what to do most of the time.

Climbing up the staircase that’s dimly lit, he heard the thunder rumble and soon enough, the rain poured. He reached the third floor and eleven steps after, he reached the door to the studio room. After rummaging his bag for the keys for almost a minute, he swore to himself to place the keys in the front pocket from next time as he unlocked the door.

The yellow light in the entryway automatically turned on as he put his shoes on the shoe rack beside him. With his socks on, he walked inside and went towards his bed.

He sat on the end of the “bed with legs”. “Bed with legs,” he said to himself as he giggled and remembered how he and Seungkwan labeled it to distinguish his bed and… the… cushion lied down on the floor. Glancing on his left, he saw nothing.

And he remembered that he’s been alone for months now in this room. He lied down on the bed and closed his eyes and placed his hands on his face. He heaved a sigh as the rain continued pouring outside.

He wondered if Seungkwan was alright wherever he is, because if there’s anything that rings true at this moment, it’s that Vernon wanted Seungkwan back in this dark room already.


	2. Chapter 2

Seungkwan wasn’t exactly sure at what point did he realize that he likes Vernon more than as his friend.

During his years in high school, a time when hormones were at its peak and every boy in his class telling their friends that they like this or that girl, Seungkwan was unsure why he wasn’t feeling the same way as the others. He didn’t find any girl from his class attractive, let alone Park Soo-young, the senior girl every boy in school’s going crazy about. Beautiful, yes, but would make his heart flutter? He didn’t think and feel so.

At first, he thought that he _still_ hasn’t found the right girl for him. When his classmates would ask him what’s his ideal girlfriend, he would always say that it’s someone who’s easy going and is like a friend to him. And every time, his classmates would follow up a question if he liked girls with long or short hair. With big or small boobs. He would just laugh it off and tell that he does not care about a _person_ ’s looks.

 _Easy going and is like a friend to him_ —Seungkwan knew that was not a lie.

It was a bright and warm weekend in Jeju, Seungkwan could vividly remember, when the Chwe family visited him and his mother for the first time to familiarize and introduce themselves to their neighbors. He was in the living room, watching a girl group perform on a Sunday afternoon program, when his mother called him to introduce himself to their new neighbors.

They were a family of four—an American mother whose smile was very endearing, a Korean father who looked really kind, a small girl that resembled his mother, and a shy boy who Seungkwan thought was the same age as him.

The first thing he noticed about this shy boy was how he looked really different from his classmates and playmates. With his pale and pink skin, thin lips, and slightly bigger eyes, Seungkwan thought this boy looked like a foreigner but also strangely like a Korean. He was deeply fascinated, to say the least.

Because Seungkwan’s mom was a very approachable and friendly mom (yes, she became the neighborhood’s president for almost two years), it wasn’t that difficult for their family to have very close ties with the Chwe family.

And in no time, Seungkwan became best friends with Vernon, the shy biracial boy he was fascinated with.

Somewhere between Vernon’s warm smiles and fond stares had Seungkwan understanding he didn’t really actually need to like Park Soo-young or needed to like a girl in general to make his heart flutter. That he could actually _possibly_ like a boy. And somewhere between Vernon lending him his Disney DVDs every weekend and Vernon giving him backhugs when they’re watching TV had Seungkwan realizing he could _possibly_ like a boy named Vernon Chwe to make his heart flutter.

 

**2015**

“Thank you. Please come again,” Seungkwan smiled at the customer as he closed the cashier. When the glass door swung after the lone customer of the convenience store left, Seungkwan sat again on the chair near the counter and looked at his phone to glance at the time. Thirty minutes left ‘til his shift ends.

“Hey,” a voice called him. He tilted his body to see this tall and brown-skinned guy putting new stocks of instant ramen on the shelf. He was also wearing the same disgusting bright green vest uniform as Seungkwan’s, but Seungkwan thought this guy could make it look _good_ on him. “Lend me a hand here, please?” he pouted.

Seungkwan stood up and walked towards Mingyu to assist him. It took Seungkwan a few glances and awkward smiles from Mingyu before he got the hint that he’s about to say something exciting.

“I’m dating someone again,” Mingyu shared.

“Again?” he stressed. “It’s been, what, just three days since you dated someone and told me just yesterday that your personalities don’t jive so you broke up with him.”

“I didn’t break up with him, okay? We were just testing the waters and we both realized that we’re not working. That’s how dating works, Seungkwan Boo,” he explained. “Anyway, this guy is different, I tell you.”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes jokingly. “That’s what you told me three days ago.”

“No, believe me this time it’s really different. Fo’ real. I have a really good feeling about this,” he said, thrilled.

“Sure. So who’s the guy?” Seungkwan asked. Even though he’s about to hear another story of Mingyu’s date escapades and he’s about to roll his eyes for every single line he has heard from Mingyu’s stories before, he’s still oddly interested.

 

Seungkwan first met Mingyu when they were taking an art history class. Mingyu retook the subject because his previous professor who really liked him had to fail him because of his frequent absences (which he later told Seungkwan that it was because the class was too early for him. What a sloth.) At a glance, Seungkwan admitted to himself that this guy was perfect with his proportional features and somehow toned body, but his attraction all went off the window when he saw him once picking his nose and nudged him right after to borrow a pencil. _Gross_ _human being_ , he thought.

Mingyu was also probably the bluntest and the gayest person he has met in his eighteen years of existence. And also the only person who knows he’s gay.

“Boo Seungkwan, if you’re going to hide it, hide it well. Every gay person can easily tell you’re gay,” he once told Seungkwan. “But don’t worry, no one’s going to expose you. And no one would even bat an eye. This country has been really conservative for the longest time and won’t even dare to bring up the topic about homosexuality. Just play it cool and lowkey, and you’re safe.”

Seungkwan didn’t know really how to react with what Mingyu told him months back. Because although he liked attention from others, he didn’t want that spotlight that would expose what he’s been hiding in the closet. He was aware he had to be careful, but hearing it from someone else made him more cautious of his actions.

 

His phone vibrated from his pocket when they finished putting the ramen on its shelf. Unlocking his phone revealed that Vernon texted him:

 

 

> “boo lets have dinner after ur shift. im craving for spicy rice cake and i know u are too. text me when ure done.”

 

Seungkwan didn’t know he was smiling faintly when he replied to Vernon that his shift’s done in twenty minutes. Mingyu noticed this and asked, “Are you also seeing someone right now?”

After locking his phone, Seungkwan looked at Mingyu, puzzled. “What? No.”

“Well it looked like you were texting your boyfriend earlier.”

Seungkwan blushed. _Boyfriend_ , he thought. If only.

 

 

After his shift (and his boss _finally_ giving them their delayed salaries), Seungkwan and Vernon went to a nearby orange tented street food stall to grab spicy rice cakes for dinner. And some fish cake and soup, too, for Seungkwan.

“Don’t you have any other friends besides me? We almost always have dinner together every night,” Seungkwan asked as he ate his soup rather loudly. “Not that I’m complaining but…”

Vernon laughed and said, “You’re my only friend right now, Boo. I’m here to study, not make friends.” He looked down his plate as he played with his chopsticks, aimlessly picking rice cakes and placing them elsewhere on the plate.

Seungkwan had to admit, he was touched by what Vernon said. But being his _only_ friend right now could be burdensome in the lens of a friend secretly liking him. The stakes are higher for someone who wanted to confess, although he hasn’t given it much of a thought. He cleared his throat and asked him, “So who were you with the past few nights when you were drinking beer?”

“No one. I drink alone, in the convenience store near the building where our room is.” Vernon didn’t seem to be bothered by it though, nor did telling it to him made him feel blue.

“Why don’t you invite me to come with you?”

“You told me you didn’t like the smell or the mere presence of a bottle of alcohol. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable seeing me drink. Besides, I’m alright being alone. You know that, Boo.”

Seungkwan clearly knew about it. There were times when he had to distance himself off Vernon, which Seungkwan named “Vernon’s alone time”. And as a friend of an introverted boy, he understood his limits. He nods in agreement, although it has got him worried. He wanted to ask if there’s anything that’s making his life a bit more difficult recently. He wanted to ask if there’s anything he can do to make it easier. Because more than anything, that’s his duty as Vernon’s only friend right now. But he didn’t want to make the mood heavier; it wasn’t his function. So he picked a piece of fish cake from his plate, dipped it in his soup, and placed it on Vernon’s. “Eat more. You’re getting skinnier, Vernonnie. Just don’t drink too much, or your belly’s going to bloat.”

He looked at Vernon and he shyly smiled. Seungkwan could remember—it was the same smile he saw when he gave him a bar of chocolate when they first met on that one fine day. “Thank you, Boo. And just to clear things up, I’m no drunkard.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I read an article over the internet weeks ago that beer actually makes you think more creatively. And I needed to be creative with my assignment for my harmony and counterpoint class,” he explained.

Seungkwan couldn’t believe it. He exhaled a lot of air as he snorted and laughed eventually. It was a silly reason to drink beer. But of course, it’s because it was Vernon, the silly, easy-going friend of his. Why did Seungkwan even thought of something heavy?

“Why?” Vernon asked, confused.

“Nothing,” Seungkwan said as he tried to stop his laugh while covering his face with his hand. “I just think you’re silly.”

“You never got used to me,” Vernon giggled as they both continued eating their spicy rice cakes and fish cakes on a warm starry night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi~ here's another update! 
> 
> first of all thank you for all the comments and kudos u guys have given on the previous chapter! didnt expect that people would read it ;_;
> 
> i wanted to make this chapter light but will still stick to the overall mood of the fic which is kind of realistic. :) i didn't include the 2016 story because i felt like it deserved a separate chapter :)
> 
> AND mingyu finally made an appearance! another character would appear next chapter, any guesses? :))
> 
> let me know what u think of this chapter. til the next update! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**2016**

Vernon couldn’t sleep tonight in this dark room. Lying on the “bed with legs” for two hours now after he came from his part time job, he attempted all the ways for him to sleep—watched vlogs over his phone, counted a flock of sheep jumping, took a bath, and just closing his eyes—but all of these didn’t work. Maybe because of their class’ upcoming showcase next week that’s stressing him. Or maybe because he’s still troubled by the reality that Seungkwan decided to stay in Jeju months ago.

Staring at the ceiling as the shadows coming from the tree right outside the window as the wind blew it back and forth, he recalled how Seungkwan would tell him how fascinating were these shadows dancing. It was a random memory of them, but it was one of those nights in this room where they just talk of the most mundane things in life but still made them feel content.

He remembered the faint voice of Seungkwan saying “good night” before they went to sleep and end the day together. Him on the cushion, Seungkwan on the “bed with legs”. Or sometimes both of them on one bed.

Whatever the case was, tonight he felt more alone remembering those.

It’s been months since Seungkwan left. And he yearned for him more than anything.

Vernon’s phone lit up and rang. He held it and it was Seungcheol calling him.

“Hi, Seungcheol. What’s up?” he answered.

“Vernoooooon!” Seungcheol exclaimed in excitement. Behind Seungcheol’s voice, Vernon heard crowd noises in the background, bottles clanking, and strangely a man crying. “Where are you? Come join us. Let’s drink!”

“I’m in my room. Who’s with you? I heard someone crying.” He wanted to believe it was Seungkwan, the crybaby he took care of. But that’s not possible, he’s not even here in Seoul.

“It’s Mingyu. He’s heartbroken yet again. Help me comfort this guy,” Seungcheol said.

Vernon kept silent for a while. He wanted to join them, but he didn’t want to get up yet. He was in the middle of drowning himself in minuscule memories that he kept relieving because he didn’t want them to fade away now that Seungkwan’s not here.

“Come here. Please. Get yourself off the bed, I’m ordering this as your senior,” he told him. Vernon got off his bed groaning. It was still raining and going out at 10pm was going to be the worst decision he would have today. “I heard you, Vernon. See you here at the bar in thirty minutes. Bye.”

 

“One bottle of Max beer please,” Seungcheol said to the waiter who passed by their table.

The bar had lesser people than what Vernon expected. With the yellow lights brightly illuminating the place, he could clearly see Seungcheol in front of him, sporting his new haircut which Vernon liked. And beside him was Mingyu who has been down in the dumps.

“He feels better now. Earlier, he was bawling and the people on the table next to us wanted also to comfort him,” Seungcheol mentioned.

Vernon patted Mingyu’s back and said, “It’s going to be alright.”

Mingyu sniffed and mumbled, “We’re nearing our anniversary as boyfriends and he just decided to fuck things up for the both of us.”

“What happened anyway?” Before realizing Vernon shouldn’t have asked that, Mingyu started crying again. He panicked as he patted and hushed Mingyu.

“He…” Mingyu cried. “We… I was using his phone one time… and saw that a guy was flirting with him.” He started bawling again, and Vernon looked at Seungcheol shaking his head at him for making their friend cry again. “Wonwoo said that he wasn’t flirting but those messages and that photo of that… ugly guy sent to him was suggesting something.”

It wasn’t the first time Mingyu and his boyfriend broke up. As far as Vernon could remember, this was their third time, with the last time Wonwoo breaking up with him because Mingyu wasn’t “putting much effort” into their relationship. And now this.

“I’m never going back to that guy again. I’ve had enough of him. Even if he was the best gay kisser in Seoul,” he finished as he sniffed once more after crying his heart out.

Vernon believed that they would get back together. Or would at least talk it out once more after they’ve both calmed down. Mingyu hugged Vernon and thanked him for coming over. At the same time, Vernon’s beer came.

He took a sip from the bottle. It has been quite a while since he tasted one—bitter but does its job. Mingyu rested his arms and head on the table, probably tired from crying and from drinking too much beer. Vernon patted his back once more before looking at Seungcheol, amused at the both of them. “My kids are growing up fast. Drinking beer in one unplanned night. Crying their hearts out because of love.”

Vernon smiled with his eyes squinty as he took another sip of beer. As he placed the bottle on the table, he looked down, somewhat became despondent, as he fiddled the button on the cuff of his blue shirt.

Seungcheol watched Vernon and asked, “Have you talked to Seungkwan already?”

Vernon shook his head. “He’s in Jeju right now and is probably busy there managing their restaurant,” he sighed. “And before I left, he told me he didn’t want me to call or text him.”

After taking a sip of his own beer, Seungcheol shook his head and said, “A lot of things happened to you guys last year. And now, it seemed like you both just cut each other’s lines. Vernon, come on, call or text him. He’s your—“

“Hyung, can we not talk about this tonight, please? Mingyu being at this state is already enough.” Vernon thought his words came out crueler than what he had in mind. “I’m sorry.”

“I get you, Vernon. Just don’t drown yourself, okay? And just know that Mingyu and I are still here as your friends. And probably Wonwoo, if Mingyu won’t mind,” he said as he held Vernon’s hand like a father giving his son assurance that he’s not alone. Mingyu moaned at the mention of Wonwoo’s name.

Vernon smiled faintly and thanked his senior.

Seungcheol was right. The absence of Seungkwan’s presence right now made a big difference than what he was used to, but seeing these two drinking with him in the bar on one unplanned night made him feel that he’s not alone. And somehow, that lifted his mood up a bit and the stars shined as the rain subsided.

Vernon stayed with them for thirty more minutes before he decided to gulp the remaining beer in his bottle and left the bar. While walking home, his warm body and tipsy mind met the cold breeze of the wind, and it made him wonder if it was this cold in Jeju right now. Entering his room, he felt his phone in the right pocket of his jeans vibrating, but he was too tired to even grab it and instead, went to the “bed with legs” to let the fusion of alcohol in his body, the soft cushion, the warm blanket, and the thought of Seungkwan by his side put him to sleep.

 

Morning came and Vernon woke up feeling lighter than last night. The rays of the bright sun blinded him for a moment as he searched for his phone on his bed.

Unlocking the phone, he saw a name that hasn’t appeared in his notifications for a while now. His eyes wide open, heart skipped a beat.

Boo Seungkwan texted him last night.

 

> “it’s been a while hansol… how’s uni?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really enjoyed writing this chapter mainly because i always wanted to uncover what Vernon felt after Seungkwan left. and now, Seungkwan texted him out of the blue! :O
> 
> so yeah thank you for your continuous support guys! :D i really appreciate them :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Vernon and Seungkwan cleaned their room and watched a film on a lazy Saturday.

  **2015**

It was a hot and lazy Saturday when Seungkwan and Vernon decided to clean up their room.

Playing Seungkwan’s playlist out loud, they started sweeping the floor as Seungkwan danced parts of Orange Caramel’s song here and there. Vernon beamed at him and not long enough, he danced along with his best friend. Seungkwan was always delighted seeing Vernon dance to a girl group’s song—stiff but hits just the right steps.

Cleaning the room, Seungkwan discovered how disorganized their room was this past week. Beneath the “bed with legs” were handouts, hair strands, and leftover Cheetos, which Seungkwan was pretty sure were all from Vernon. Their study table wasn’t any different either—coffee stains around, scattered papers that mixed their assignments, and books that were left open.

They had to change their bed and pillow sheets that were left unchanged for two weeks, which Seungkwan thought was filthy. If it weren’t for him forcing Vernon, who said that it’s still clean until Seungkwan let him smell his pillows, they would still have the same dirty sheets.

The following week was Vernon’s turn on the “bed with legs,” so they changed it to cloud bed sheets which was Vernon’s favorite set of sheets since he was young, and they changed the cushion’s sheets to pastel pink, Seungkwan’s favorite color.

After the tiring and sweat-filled cleaning, they took a bath and both settled on the “bed with legs”. Vernon was browsing through his laptop when he said, “Seungkwan, I want to have a part-time job, too.”

Seungkwan, who was lying prone beside Vernon, his face just inches beside him, looked at Vernon with eyebrows furrowed and asked, “Why? You have enough allowance coming from your parents.”

Looking at the ceiling, Vernon said, “I don’t know. I guess I want to save up for myself… and just wanted to break this school, room, school, room routine.”

“You’re tired of seeing my face, huh?” Seungkwan joked, although he would be quite bothered if it were true.

“Not really, Boo,” he said, laughing faintly as he looked at Seungkwan’s eyes.

Seungkwan felt that Vernon wanted and was looking beyond his outside, through his soul. It was that look that Seungkwan always wanted from him but also had to dodge because he would blush if he looked back long enough.

To escape from his look, Seungkwan turned his body and moved Vernon’s laptop towards him to search for part-time jobs nearby. And he found a coffee shop near their building that’s hiring college students. “Here, look,” he said as he pointed at the screen. “The pay’s not bad! Although I don’t know if they would hire a clumsy boy like you.”

Vernon chuckled and hit Seungkwan’s head lightly. “Of course they would hire me. I’m the best quality out there.”

Seungkwan made a face and said, “If anything, they would hire you because of your good looks and English skills.” Seungkwan paused for a moment. Did he just blurt out Vernon was good looking? He pretended not to bother by what he said and lied prone again.

There was an awkward silence, Seungkwan felt that. He had made it more awkward by not muttering anything and by lying prone. He was busy with his own thoughts, trying to find a quick way to break the silence, until…

“Hey, Seungkwan,” Vernon muttered. Seungkwan could see through his eyes’ periphery that Vernon was looking at him again. Looking at him _fondly_ , Seungkwan thought. Fond was the right word to describe Vernon’s look at him. Seungkwan raised his eyebrows to let Vernon know he was listening. “Do you have any plans today?”

Seungkwan’s heart skipped a beat, his body froze for a second, and his mind has gone into a coma. He wasn’t sure if it was just him being delusional, falling for his mind telling him that _possibly_ Vernon wanted to take him out _finally_ on a date. Does Vernon _actually like him back?_ Or was it _just_ Vernon wanting to go out with him with no real intent in mind? But, _why ask that now_ , Seungkwan thought. Why ask him now in this awkward minute he has put themselves in.

Clouded with these thoughts, Seungkwan wished for a silver lining to end this. Thankfully, he found one—Mingyu was supposed to visit their room to do their assignment. _Perfect_ , Seungkwan thought, that would get him off this situation.

“Uh… yeah, I forgot to tell you that Mingyu’s coming over. At around four,” he said, voice quite trembling. He looked at Vernon who looked puzzled. “Mingyu’s my friend and classmate in art history. We’re doing our assignment here.” He laughed awkwardly.

“Oh, alright,” Vernon said rather coolly. “Am I going to disturb you two? I can go elsewhere if you want.”

“No, just stay here. We’re the ones disturbing you anyways,” he replied.

Vernon looked at his laptop’s clock and said, “Do you want to get lunch delivered? We can watch a movie on my laptop while waiting for him, if you want.”

Seungkwan nodded.

 

After eating black bean noodles for lunch, Seungkwan guessed that they’re half an hour through watching Easy A, a film he insisted watching despite them watching it for the nth time already. Vernon wasn’t complaining, though. It was also one of his favorites.

They were sitting on the bed, back leaning against the wall. The room has gotten dimmer as the dark clouds covered the sun, the film’s sound filling the silence between them, their bodies beside each other giving them warmth. Times like that day, Seungkwan wanted to stay in their room and not mind anyone but them. No judgments, prejudices, and social norms letting him down.

He was feeling sleepy, so he laid down the bed with legs, his head resting on Vernon’s lap. Seeing up close was Vernon’s scar on his right knee which Seungkwan was guilty of giving when they fought two years ago. He beamed a faint smile, remembering how furious he was back then when he found out Vernon broke his favorite pen and kicked him on his knee.

At one point, Vernon found his hand playing with Seungkwan’s hair, somehow massaging him. Seungkwan have always wanted his best friend playing with his hair—it was ticklish at some point, but relaxing nonetheless. He wasn’t focusing on the movie anymore, his eyes slowly closing in comfort and drowsiness. And halfway through the film, on a cloudy and silent afternoon, he napped at ease on Vernon’s lap.

 

The loud knock on the door woke Seungkwan up. Looking up, he saw Vernon’s face near his, and it took about three seconds before Vernon said, “I was about to wake you up.”

Seungkwan got off the bed and opened the door to see a smiling Mingyu. “Seungkwan!” he exclaimed gleefully as he went inside their room comfortably. Seungkwan ran over to get ahead of Mingyu and stood beside Vernon who was still seated on the bed with legs.

“Right, Vernon meet Mingyu. Mingyu meet Vernon,” Seungkwan introduced them.

Seungkwan saw how Mingyu’s eyes twinkled as he shook Vernon’s hand. He turned his head and saw Vernon smiling, too. Mingyu then put his hands on Seungkwan’s shoulders, put his face near his, and whispered, “Who is he? He looks cute.”

Mingyu giggled as Seungkwan forced a smile as he curled his fingers up. “Okay, Mingyu,” he said as he exhaled rather loudly. “Let’s get our assignment done as _soon_ as possible.”

 

An hour or two has passed and the two boys on the desk still haven’t figured out how they wanted their presentation to look like. Vernon was on the bed of legs, watching a film with his earphones on.

“Mingyu, look, I think putting a pink here is fine,” Seungkwan said as he pointed at the screen. “It complements the other elements.”

Mingyu sighed and argued, “That pink is horrible, can’t you see? Let’s just blue and yellow. No pink. Pink’s bad. Even our graphic designer professor would say pink’s bad.”

Seungkwan ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He _wanted_ pastel pink on their presentation. Wasn’t it obvious he _really_ liked pink with only the color of his bed sheet? Why wouldn’t this flamboyant boy like even a tinge of pink included?

He sighed and thought they were probably stressing over such a minor detail. He looked back and called his best friend. Vernon removed his earphones and asked, “Why?”

Seungkwan moved his chair and adjusted his laptop’s screen to let Vernon see a slide of their presentation. “Do you think we should put pink here? Or no?” he asked. Mingyu looked back too and smiled at Vernon.

Vernon squinted his eyes, tilted his head a bit, and hummed. Seungkwan thought it was immature of him to want Vernon to say the presentation would be better with pink on it. Because somehow that would validate he’s siding with Seungkwan, right? Seungkwan thought so. Waiting for his answer, he thought that maybe he was mulling over this because of how Mingyu looked at Vernon earlier. How Mingyu found Vernon cute the first time he saw him. How he’s unreasonably jealous over his friend.

“I think blue and yellow’s fine on its own,” Vernon said as he nodded his head.

Mingyu grinned at Vernon and at Seungkwan. “I told you, Seungkwan. And now we’re done!”

And that was it—Seungkwan was sure he was jealous. Unreasonably jealous, he thought.

“Vernon, right?” Mingyu asked. Vernon nodded. “Do you go to the same university as us?” Vernon nodded.

Seungkwan wanted Mingyu to stop talking to _his best friend_. But he couldn’t say so, because it’s rude and would make the whole situation awkward for the three of them.

“Oh! I have never seen you in the campus. What’s your major?” Mingyu asked.

“He’s a music major, different building and department from us,” Seungkwan butted in before Vernon could speak. He couldn’t take it anymore. “Don’t you have other things to do, Mingyu?” he asked as politely as he could be at that state.

“Shit, what time is it?” Mingyu asked as he looked at his watch. “I got to go! I’m running late. I need to meet someone! Thank you Seungkwan!” he hurriedly said as he stood up. He glanced at Vernon and said, “It was nice meeting you, Vernon! See you around.”

He put in his shoes and ran off outside their room after.

The door shut and Seungkwan looked at Vernon beaming a smile at him. “Well he was really animated… kind of like the gay character in Easy A. Cool.”

“G…Gay?” Seungkwan muttered. That was the first time he heard Vernon say that word.

“Yeah,” Vernon said. “I mean, I’m not saying _he is gay._ And there’s nothing wrong with being gay. They’re humans, too. Capable of loving and feeling.”

Seungkwan felt his heart melt with the words that came from Vernon’s mouth. Somehow, he felt more secure with him. Although those words might not matter that much for Vernon, Seungkwan felt it was enough for him to let go of his worries. He smiled and nodded.

“I guess I made a new friend, Seungkwan,” he said delightedly. “Do you want to watch this movie with me? It’s The Breakfast Club.”

Although he felt jealous after what Vernon had said, he brushed it off and lied down on the bed with legs as they watched two more films before they ended the lazy Saturday together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this was kind of a ~fluff~ but i had to write this to develop (Vernon) and link (Mingyu to Vernon) them! :)) and it was pretty great to hear vernon's words about the gays. would it change if he knew seungkwan is and has an attraction for him?
> 
> thank u for the feedback guys! let me know if u have questions or anything regarding the story. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vernon replies to Seungkwan's text; Mingyu finds out something about Seungkwan

**2016**

Vernon didn’t know what to reply.

He reread the text he got last night. It really was from Seungkwan. He felt a lot of things and remembered every bit of memory he had with Seungkwan. Miniscule and fragmented memories he held onto while they were separated by circumstance.

Staring at his phone with the text cursor blinking patiently waiting for his reply, he thought of what he would reply. Would he say he missed him? Would he say he missed their nights together in their room? Would he say he wanted to watch The Breakfast Club with him again on the bed with legs?

He wanted to tell him all of these. He wanted to translate them into typewritten words and let Seungkwan know how much he yearned for him, for his voice, for his presence in this godforsaken lonely room.

 _I miss you_. He typed those three words. If he had the courage, he would’ve pressed send already. If what happened between them those past few months hadn’t happened, he would’ve pressed send already.

“I won’t go back to Seoul with you,” he heard Seungkwan’s voice echoed. He recalled Seungkwan telling him those words all while beaming a faint smile, the sun settling down in front of them. Vernon clearly saw how the lingering light coming from the setting sun showed Seungkwan’s eyes filling with tears. It was at that moment Vernon realized how inseparable he was with him—how they never wanted to let go of each other but had to.

The text cursor kept blinking.

Blinking.

Blinking.

Until Vernon decided to press delete. The three words he wanted to tell to Seungkwan were gone, and instead, he typed out words that were just… words, and nothing else.

> im doing good. u?

And sent were those meager words. He wanted to believe that it was the proper thing to reply, with the past considered. With Seungkwan considered.

 

**2015**

“I didn’t know you had a cute roommate,” Mingyu teased as he collected the trash on the table near the glass window of the convenience store.

Seungkwan was behind the counter, trying his best not to walk towards Mingyu and kick him on the knees. It’s been two days after Mingyu visited their room and he still couldn’t forget how he shook his best friend’s hand firmly. He was sure Mingyu’s eyes glimmered when their hands met. He rolled his eyes and said, “What are you talking about? Cute where? My _best friend_ ’s cute where?”

The tall guy turned around, threw what he had in hand in the trashcan, and faced Seungkwan. He giggled and said, “Denying he’s cute, huh?”

“What? We’re just best friends. He’s… not cute,” Seungkwan stammered as he felt his face blush.

Mingyu clapped and laughed by himself. “I KNEW IT!” he shouted, shocking Seungkwan. “Tell me honestly, Seungkwan.” Mingyu slowly walked towards the counter.

Seungkwan could his heart pounding faster. _Not him knowing another secret_ , he thought. Mingyu knowing he was gay was already enough. He couldn’t afford letting his _rival_ know he likes Vernon. He gulped in uneasiness as Mingyu sternly put his two hands on the counter, leaned towards him, their faces right in front of each other.

Mingyu smirked and looked at Seungkwan in the eyes. “Do you…” Mingyu whispered with his low voice. The store’s air-con was set in high cool, yet sweat dripped on Seungkwan’s temples. “…like…”

“Yes, I like Vernon, Mingyu. Now please, stop this,” Seungkwan admitted as he dodged Mingyu’s stare. “You win. Go have him.”

“Wait,” he said. “Did you think I like him, too?”

Seungkwan nodded silently.

Mingyu ran towards the other side of the counter only to hug Seungkwan. “What are you talking about, Seungkwannie?” he pouted. Seungkwan was quite weirded out when he heard the tall guy called him “Seungkwannie.” And he was more weirded out that he was being hugged. In a convenience store. While working. “I don’t like, Vernam or Vernon, whatever his name was. See? I don’t even remember his name!”

Seungkwan laughed as his head rested on Mingyu’s chest, which he thought was pretty firm. He found it sexy but brushed it off after reminding himself of how a snot the tall guy was.

Mingyu let go of his hug and said, “I’m dating someone now, don’t you remember?”

Seungkwan _did_ _remember_. But after hearing Mingyu’s story of dating someone for only two days, he formed trust issues with him. Which he thought was wrong of him to assume that Mingyu, his friend, was just another tall handsome guy who would flirt any guy he could find. Seungkwan needed to cut this guy some slack.

With one hand on Seungkwan’s shoulder, Mingyu slapped Seungkwan’s butt and said, “You owe me a whole lot of story. How about you join me and Wonwoo later for dinner?”

“Wonwoo…?” Seungkwan was puzzled.

“The one I’m dating!” Mingyu gushed.

At that moment Seungkwan finally saw how eyes _really_ glimmered. When Mingyu mentioned Wonwoo, he saw how everything in his face glowed. Seungkwan thought if that was also how he looked like every time Vernon’s name was mentioned.

The door swung open and the chimes made a sound. Another customer they had to welcome. Seungkwan looked at the time. An hour left ‘til their routinary job comes to an end for that day and ‘til he met Wonwoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short update but i liked writing this! :)
> 
> and Wonwoo will finally make an appearance on the next chapter! there will be ~meanie~ scenes but will stick with the main otp of this fic.
> 
> we're also getting hints of what happened between them but the 2016 part is still a blur. but i promise to make it clearer soon! im just waiting for the 2015 part to keep up and reveal things that would support the 2016 part.
> 
> and if it's still not obvious, 2015 is in Seungkwan's perspective, while 2016 is in Vernon's perspective. :D
> 
> again, thank you for the support and the comments! please let me know if you're okay with the pacing of the story. please let me know how i can improve with the story/how i tell the story! :D 'til the next update!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungkwan, Mingyu, and Wonwoo went to a pub located at the outskirts of Seoul to have a drink.

**2015**

Two bottles of beer and a glass of orange juice were raised as the three gay boys cheered for the night. It was around seven in the evening when Seungkwan, Mingyu, and Wonwoo found themselves in a pub located at the outskirts of Seoul.

Mingyu said it was one of the few pubs where gays are _accepted_ and can be who they want to be without anyone batting an eye on them. And Seungkwan saw that with his own two eyes as the yellow lights illuminated every corner of the place—two college boys making out on one table, two women holding their hands affectionately on another. Although the place reeked the smell of alcohol, sweat, and grilled pork, he thought it was like home. He wanted to come back again, but with Vernon next time and thought that probably that they could be like the two college boys on one table. Or maybe just like the two women on the other table first.

Or maybe just like the two gay boys in front of him—Mingyu resting his head on Wonwoo’s shoulder as Wonwoo tangled his one hand with Mingyu. They were laughing, sharing whispers and breaths of smiles.

When Seungkwan saw Wonwoo earlier at the narrow pavement, the first thing he noticed was his dead eyes underneath his round eyeglasses. He seemed tough and had the features of a typical tsundere from the manhwas Seungkwan have read with Vernon before. But a glow of light and life went into his pair of eyes when he directed his sight to Mingyu, who was by Seungkwan’s side.

“Where do you study, Wonwoo?” Seungkwan asked, restoring his presence on the table. Wonwoo looked at him and for a second, Seungkwan got scared.

Wonwoo smiled and in his surprisingly low voice, he said, “I don’t study anymore, kid. I stopped a year back to work full-time as a webtoon writer. I guess university is not everything you need. At least for me.”

“I wanted to quit university, too,” Mingyu shared, his hand on Wonwoo’s chest fiddling a button of his shirt. “But I wanted to prove my parents wrong. I wanted to prove them that even though I’m gay, I can reach a lot of things in life. That I can be successful, too.”

“Your parents know you’re gay?” Seungkwan asked.

Mingyu sipped beer from his bottle. “I didn’t tell them. They discovered it from my one of my classmates in high school, who was my first boyfriend back then. It was very dramatic… and painful to hear my parents tell me I was a disappointment to them,” he told them. He was staring blankly at his hand tangled in Wonwoo’s hand.

Seungkwan never heard of this side of Mingyu before—the one behind the jolly and gossip-filled façade of his. He realized how difficult it was to be in Mingyu’s shoes, for someone to bare you naked in front of your parents who expected a lot from you. Seungkwan questioned himself why being gay was a _disappointment_ for people in the first place. Because he thought it wasn’t and shouldn’t be.

He thought of his mother and how she would react if ever her only son comes out to him. It frightened him, to say the least. He loved his mother more than anything, and he never wanted to see her suffer more than her state now. Seungkwan blinked his eyes and left these thoughts aside as he watched Wonwoo kissed Mingyu on his cheek.

“Mingyu, you’re never a disappointment, okay?” Wonwoo assured. “And you don’t need to prove anyone anything. You’re amazing just by being here, still existing and working hard. And I’m more amazed because you’re here by my side.”

Mingyu smiled before he put his lips onto Wonwoo’s. “Thank you, Beanie,” he said.

Cupping on his glass of orange juice, Seungkwan had to admit Wonwoo’s mature words melted him also. It somehow gave him strength to live and aspired him to live freely soon.

He was about to drink his cup of juice when he saw a familiar figure entered the pub. Wearing black pants and a white and blue striped oversized shirt with his hair parted on the left, Vernon entered the pub with a guy who had almost the same height as him. Seungkwan never saw the guy with Vernon before, nor did his best friend mentioning anything about him making new friends.

Vernon glanced at the table where Seungkwan was. Seungkwan was about to hide his face with his cup of juice, but he was a second late. He had no choice but to wave his hand up high and call his best friend. “Vernonnie!” he shouted.

Returning the call with a beam on his face, Vernon, together with the unknown guy, went towards Seungkwan’s table. “Hey, Seungkwan,” he greeted. He looked to his right and saw Mingyu leaning on Wonwoo, and his eyes widened for a moment before saying hi to him.

Seungkwan looked at Vernon and when Vernon looked back at him, he pointed the unknown guy with his eyes.

Vernon mouthed an “ah” and said, “By the way, here’s Seungcheol, a friend I met just recently. Seungcheol, meet Seungkwan, my roommate and best friend. Mingyu, Seungkwan’s friend, and…”

“Wonwoo,” Mingyu’s date continued.

Vernon laughed awkwardly as he clasped his hands. “And Wonwoo!”

The three on the table said hi in a monotonous chorus as Seungcheol waved his hand to them and beamed a smile. Seungkwan’s random judgment thought the guy’s dry bleached hair didn’t match his face at all. But all is well, he thought.

Vernon sat beside Seungkwan, while Seungcheol got a seat from another empty table and put them on the other end of their table. “Why are you here?” Seungkwan whispered as he leaned at Vernon.

“He invited me. How about you? Why are _you_ here?” Vernon whispered back.

“They invited me,” he said. He turned his attention to the two in front of him, who were still cuddling with each other. He sighed and decided to try to talk to Vernon’s new friend instead. “Do you go to the same department as Vernon?” he asked casually as he put his arms on Vernon’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” he said, nodding. “He’s my junior in the music department and just met him recently.”

“Ah alright, I’m sorry, senior,” he muttered as he put his arm off Vernon and back to the table. He looked at Vernon snickering at him, but Seungkwan tried to not mind being embarrassed with him assuming a senior as his junior. “What brought you guys here?” he asked.

“Let me tell you a story,” Seungcheol giddily said. “I met your best friend just this day in the campus while I was giving out fliers for my club. He was the first one to get my flier and thought he was cool, so I had a chitchat with him. And it turns out, he is a freshman student! And not just a freshman student. But a freshman student _from Jeju Island_!”

Seungkwan liked his senior’s enthusiasm telling his story, and how fascinated he was that someone from Jeju came here to Seoul. “We’re both from Jeju,” he said in a Jeju Island accent.

Seungcheol’s eyes widened in amazement. “Wow… this day is really something,” Seungcheol muttered. “It’s my first time meeting a college student from Jeju Island… but anyway, going back to my story, so I met Vernon.” He scratched his head and continued, “I figured he still wasn’t really familiar with Seoul so I invited him to join me in an ‘educational excursion’. So I brought him to various underground parts of Seoul, and here we are in our last stop: a gay pub with you guys here!” He was still beaming a smile as he panted after telling what seemed like a great tale to him.

Vernon clapped his hands while grinning. He was pretty amused, Seungkwan observed and thought it was cute of him. Vernon caught a glimpse of Seungkwan who was looking at him, and he wrapped his arm around Seungkwan’s shoulders.

“It’s not a _gay pub_ , mister,” Mingyu said. “It’s just another ordinary pub except homosexuals are welcomed.”

Seungcheol nodded, probably pondering on his choice of words.

Seungkwan grabbed his cup of orange juice and offered it to Vernon. “Want some? It’s one of the best juices I’ve ever tasted.”

Vernon gave him a look like he was thinking of something else. Something dirty. And he realized what he said. _Best juices_. Vernon grabbed the glass from him and sipped a few. With Vernon’s arms still on his shoulders, he cackled and slapped Vernon’s stomach which led to him spilling the drink on Vernon’s shirt.

Vernon snapped as Seungkwan took the tissue on the table and dabbed it on his best friend’s shirt. “Shit, I’m sorry, Vernon.”

Seungkwan heard Seungcheol stood up and after a while, he handed out a few more tissues to Seungkwan. He thanked him after.

“You know what,” Seungcheol said. Seungkwan looked at him and saw him beaming. “That’s how my parents started falling in love.”

Seungkwan felt his cheeks getting warmer. He glanced at Mingyu and he was trying to hold his laugh together with Wonwoo. He looked at Vernon and he was laughing and was pretty chill about it.

“Hyung!” he exclaimed as he chuckled nervously. Seungkwan continued dabbing the tissue on Vernon’s shirt.

“What a day this was,” Seungcheol said. “Since I met two freshmen from Jeju and two couples today, two plates of meat’s on me.”

The four wowed, clapped their hands and thanked Seungcheol as he ordered them samgyupsal.

It’s been a while since Seungkwan tasted his favorite dish, and he’s grateful that this night has come. And he’s even more grateful that after months of staying in Seoul, he found himself a few more friends, a few more company. Seungkwan never felt more happy.

And in a pub that smelled of alcohol, sweat, and grilled pork, and that’s almost invisible to the public eye, they all equally found freedom. They rejoiced over this and over their newfound bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the gang is finally formed! :D and in case you're wondering, yep, it's the same pub where Vernon, Mingyu, and Seungcheol stayed in on Chapter 3. :)
> 
> and im changing the name of the fic to "Warm, Starry Night" as i think it fits the fic more than "Rainy Blue". :D so yay! thank u again for still reading this fic ;___; 'til the next update!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungkwan argues if he should confess his feelings for Vernon; Vernon continues to miss Seungkwan

**2015**

 

“Do you plan on telling Vernon?” Mingyu asked Seungkwan, who was flipping through the pages of his yellow notebook in class, trying to find an empty space to write on.

 

“Nope,” he answered hurriedly. As soon as he found one, he grabbed his pen and started writing what their professor wrote on the board.

 

“That was a fast answer,” he retorted, his tone hinting disappointment.

 

Seungkwan put a halt to his notes and turned his head to Mingyu who was on his right. “Look, he likes girls. I like boys. That’s enough explanation for me to keep this… absurd admiration for him… a secret.”

 

The truth was, Seungkwan wanted to tell Vernon he liked him ever since he first heard the universe told him why he always felt different whenever he’s with his best friend. But doing so had greater risks than the benefits he would get, if there were even any. 

 

Although he has seen Vernon's fond stares and felt Vernon's strange skinship with him, he would always reduce them to just his wishful thinking. After all, they're just best friends—and just like the movies Seungkwan have watched and books he has read, the best friend role always gets to misunderstand the other friend's actions as romantic ones. But most of the time, they really weren’t.

 

Seungkwan wasn't really fond of taking risks in the first place. So why confess to his best friend?

 

Seungkwan thought he had no reason to.

 

“What makes you think he likes girls?” Mingyu asked.

 

Seungkwan thought it was a stupid question with an obvious answer, and even thought Mingyu was just fooling around. “Because he had a girlfriend before,” he answered anyway.

 

As their professor continued discussing, Mingyu held the brown-haired boy's hand and leaned towards him. “Let me tell you a secret, Seungkwannie,” he whispered. “A person can like _both_ boys and girls. It does not mean that if Vernon had a girlfriend before, he will only like girls for the rest of his life.”

 

Was that enough reason?

 

Mingyu patted Seungkwan's hand and leaned back to his chair. “That's one of the many wonders of the world, Seungkwannie. Use that to risk things,” he added.

 

Maybe it was. Because although he continued finding pile and pile of reasons every single day to convince himself _not_ to tell Vernon what he really felt, he still had a glimmer of hope in him that maybe, just maybe, Vernon might like him back and he just didn’t know because he still hasn’t told him.

 

“Mingyu,” he muttered. Mingyu turned to him and Seungkwan didn't know what to say next. What to ask next. Or rather, he didn't know how to form his question without sounding too desperate. “Do you think I have a chance with him? Do you think he… likes boys, too?”

 

Seungkwan didn't want to look at Mingyu in the eyes and hear what would (probably) hurt him. He was afraid of a lot of things—ghosts, heights, firecrackers—but what he found more frightening was rejection. The rejection of the idea of what he thought was real, what he thought was possible. The rejection of the small glimmer of hope he still has. He was afraid that Mingyu would tell him that even though his best friend _might_ like boys also, Seungkwan would still have no chance with Vernon.

 

“Look at me, Boo Seungkwan,” Mingyu told him. When Seungkwan didn't follow, Mingyu placed his hands on his friend's cheeks, nearly squeezing them, and turned his face to him. “No one will know until you tell him, okay?”

 

Seungkwan nodded with Mingyu's hands still on both of his cheeks.

 

“You’re too cute for Vernon not to notice you. Heck, you're even his roommate… his cute roommate,” he continued. “Keep your chin up. Fighting. Whatever cliché motivation you need, I'll say them just for you to try, because nothing’s going to happen if you won’t.”

 

Seungkwan wasn't sure if Mingyu was giving him a pep talk in the middle of class, but it was helping him nonetheless. The glimmer of hope he held onto grew and for a while, the pile of reasons he had collapsed, letting him see a new light.

 

“I just hope you are taking notes,” their teacher announced, loud enough to reverb in the room. “And not just squeezing your classmate's cheeks. Right, Mr. Kim?”

 

“Absolutely, Sir,” Mingyu shouted quite confidently as he let go of Seungkwan’s cheeks and raised his thumb up.

 

Seungkwan giggled as their professor shook his head and went towards his table. “The term's about to end. I know you’re all too excited for the summer break, but finals week is just around the corner. Make sure you all study hard.”

 

The bell rang.

 

 

**2016**

It was nearing dusk but Vernon and Seungcheol were still in one of the university’s smaller recording rooms, revising for the nth time their rap collaboration for their showcase. Still not getting the flow they wanted, Seungcheol opened his second can of soda and drank it. He offered it to Vernon, to which Vernon declined. “Feeling better than last night?” he asked.

 

Vernon, who was sitting next to him, was staring at his phone. “Yeah…” he sighed. “Seungcheol, he texted me. Seungkwan.”

 

“Really? Then why are you still looking gloomy?” he asked as he pushed himself and his rolling chair closer to Vernon as he wrapped his arm on his shoulders.

 

Vernon shook his head. “It wasn’t because of his message why I’m like this. He asked me how I was, and that message meant a lot to me. I just… missed him more after that…”

 

“You’ll get to see him again, alright?” Seungcheol assured as he patted Vernon’s shoulder. “After our showcase, it’s summer break again. That’s in a few weeks! Then you’ll fly to Jeju for summer.”

 

“I know that. But it won’t be the same anymore. Not for me and Boo,” he responded.

 

Vernon was afraid of how much more harm months and miles of separation did to them. It was during their last summer break when everything started getting a little more complex for them.

 

He still remembered every single detail of his stay in Jeju. Everything was warm, clear, and full of hope from the start. It was nostalgic, to say the least, for him and Seungkwan to go back to the town where their homes were after months of staying in Seoul. The island felt new to him but still familiar at the same time.

 

He left the island alone, with his vision for his relationship with Seungkwan blurred and incomprehensible at that time. The moment he left the island was also the moment he felt that he lost a friend.

 

As the miles and months separated them, with unsolved issues left in between, Vernon felt that they both drifted apart. It scared him more than anything.

 

“I should’ve been more honest, Seungcheol,” he confessed. “I should’ve been braver.”

 

“Don’t blame yourself too much, Vernon,” Seungcheol said. “It happened. What we only have is the _now_ and the future. Not in its entirety, but we can mold what was deformed and what was left to create something new. Something better, if that’s possible.”

 

The text Vernon received from Seungkwan—that was one of the remains of their relationship. He thought that it may seem small if it was looked at a bigger picture, but considering what has happened between them, it was already enough to get past through his doubts. It was already enough for him to at least try.

 

“Vernon, just make sure you know what you _really_ want before you see him again. Be sure of yourself and your intentions,” Seungcheol advised. He then turned his focus to the computer in front of them and started typing lyrics he came up with. “Let’s finish this and go to Wonwoo’s after.”

 

If there was anything good that the miles and months of separation has done to Vernon, it would be discovering his self. The lonely and cold nights he spent in his room, the shifts he had in the coffee shop, the nights spent in the pub with his friends—all of these has let the lost guy find and define himself in places and days he was most unsure and vulnerable of.

 

In a few weeks, he thought, he would get to see Seungkwan again—the guy who once owned the cushion in their room, the only guy who he allowed to share his bed with legs with.

 

And at that time, he was certain who he was and who Seungkwan was to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys!
> 
> it's been more than a week since my last update, i'm sorry! ;_; this chapter wasn't done in one sitting so i apologize if it was a bit messy on some parts, but i hope you still get the thought and the emotions presented. :)
> 
> let me know what u think of this chapter and how i can improve!
> 
> many thanks for the support!! til the next update!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mingyu tells Seungkwan a surprise; Seungkwan visits Vernon in his part-time job

**2015**

“Seungkwannie,” Mingyu called Seungkwan from behind as they walked past the hallway after class.

 

Seungkwan was getting more weirded out by Mingyu calling him that way (and quite annoyed, too, if he would be honest), but he was too busy with his own running thoughts to even let those little things bother him and call them out.

 

He was thinking of the finals week coming and how he needed to study and to start finishing his final plates. He was thinking of his shift later at the convenience store and how he needed to wear the ugly bright green vest that was his uniform again and how he would stand behind the counter and greet the customers again. He was thinking of how he would balance his shift and his studies and how the twenty-four hours in a day wasn’t really enough.

 

Saying it was driving him crazy was an understatement.

 

He was thinking of his mom, who he worries from time to time because she was left alone in Jeju, managing the measly restaurant by herself. He wondered if she was doing well and really hoped that she was. He wanted to see her only family again, and thought of the day when he would hug her again, tell her how different Seoul was, and ask her to cook for him his mom’s special bibimbap. That day wasn’t far from the present, he thought, and that lifted his spirits up.

 

He then thought of Vernon and what Mingyu said earlier, and how the numerous possibilities boggled his mind more rather than clear it.

 

“Hey!” Mingyu shook Seungkwan’s shoulder. “You weren’t answering me.” He pouted like how he usually would.

 

“I’m sorry. I was spacing out. What were you asking?” Seungkwan apologized as he fixed his bag’s shoulder strap. He then turned his look to Mingyu who turned his pout to a giddy smile.

“So… Wonwoo and I were planning our summer vacay together. And we thought of flying to Jeju with you and Vernon,” he said gleefully.

 

Seungkwan couldn’t help but show a confused face in front of Mingyu. “Well… that was random of you two. But… okay… sure. That’s unexpected… but exciting,” he said.

 

“Yeah,” he laughed. “We just planned it two nights ago and figured that since I don’t want to stay at my parents’ house for two months and we both saved enough money for a vacation, why not do it together and with you two as well.” Mingyu came closer to Seungkwan and whispered, “But don’t worry. We’ll make sure not to cling to you and Vernon so that you two can have some time to confess your feelings to each other.”

 

Seungkwan blushed at that thought. He looked at Mingyu with the same innocent reaction he gave when Mingyu asked him if he was gay. Mingyu winked, said goodbye, and immediately ran away from him.

 

“See you whenever, Seungkwan! I’ll text you,” he shouted.

 

 

 

 

Seungkwan locked his gaze at the convenience store’s mini clock beside the cash register. It was nearing eight in the evening, and he had eleven minutes left ‘til his shift ends.

 

Mingyu wasn’t with him that night in his shift. Instead, he was with Chan, a freshman dance major student going to the same university as him. They never really talked to each other that much, and if they would, it would just be about the trivial things that made them smile, like Zion T.’s newly released song playing over the store’s speakers or the lack of customers they had to accommodate.

 

Right after his shift (and removing the ugly bright green uniform vest), he received a text from Vernon.

 

            _hey it’s my first night here in the café as a part-time barista. im ending my shift in an hour. come visit and support me lol_

Seungkwan beamed a smile as he exited the store. He was reminded of his unfinished plates waiting for him, but he thought Vernon was of priority that night as he took a bus and dropped off at the café where his best friend was.

 

Before entering the café, he peeked from the clear glass front walls and saw his best friend behind the wooden counter, wearing a white button down with a black apron. Vernon was focused on making a drink, striving to put the right amount of milk, the right amount of sugar, the right amount of ice in a single white cup he’s holding just to make the drink perfect.

 

Just as Seungkwan was peeking from the clear glass walls, he was peeking also at a side of Vernon he has not seen yet—a boy capable of working hard, of being individualistic. Seungkwan beamed a smile unconsciously.

 

He was happy. For Vernon. For his best friend.

 

He entered the café and before anyone else could greet Seungkwan, Vernon waved his hand like a lost child and grinned at him. “Boo!” he whispered loudly with eyes smiling.

 

As Seungkwan walked towards the counter, Vernon whispered something to the guy in the cashier and they switched roles.

 

“Hi, Sir. Welcome! May I take your order?” he giggled.

 

“Um… yeah. I’d like some Americano,” Seungkwan guessed as he was not really fond of going to coffee shops.

 

“I wouldn’t recommend that to you, Boo,” he said. “Why not some hot chocolate instead? I’m sure you’ll love that.”

 

“Ah, right. Fine, hot chocolate then,” he replied, half-smiling as he handed out his payment to Vernon.

 

“Alright, Sir! One hot chocolate,” Vernon remarked as he grabbed an empty cup and marker. “What’s your name, Sir?”

 

Seungkwan realized Vernon was too giddy and playful at that time, so he played along. “Hansol. Chwe Hansol,” he joked.

 

Vernon squinted his eyes and smirked. “Alright, Mr. Chwe. We’ll just call your name when your drink’s ready. In the meantime, please find a seat for us and let’s talk,” he said.

 

Seungkwan nodded. He strolled around the small brightly-lit café, looking for an empty table for two. The cold breeze coming from the air-con across him made him shiver for a second, but it didn’t take him that long to spot an empty space just beside the glass wall—a cozy and fitting place for them, he thought.

 

He sat on the olive green cushioned armchair, and in front of him was an empty seat and a small rounded coffee table in between them. Looking over the glass wall, he saw a faint reflection of Vernon making his hot chocolate, and he thought that he was adorable.

 

Minutes passed, and Vernon handed him his hot chocolate as he sat in from of him. Seungkwan’s hands became warmer as he held the cup. He was very eager to taste the hot chocolate Vernon made, so he took a sip, only to be greeted by the drink’s boiling hot temperature that burnt his tongue.

 

“Are you okay?” asked his best friend, nearly standing up. “I should’ve cool it down for a while before giving it to you.”

 

“Yeah, please warn me next time,” he replied.

 

“I’m sorry,” Vernon mumbled.

 

Seungkwan glanced at Vernon, only to see his eyes giving another fond stare at him—with great concern this time. “It’s not your fault,” Seungkwan said. And as the brown-haired boy would always do after, he veered away from Vernon’s eyes and asked, “Anyway, how was your first day here?”

 

Vernon’s eyes squinted as he grinned. “It was pretty great! I made a _few_ mistakes—spelt some of the customers’ names wrong, spilled cream throughout, put more ice than what was recommended—but… I still felt… like I did a good job.”

 

Seungkwan’s eyes trailed from Vernon’s lips down to the black apron he was still wearing, and noticed the stains that were left. “Looking at your apron, I do not think you made a _few_ mistakes,” he remarked.

 

He laughed and nodded. “But aren’t you proud of me?” Vernon asked in a high-pitched tone as his hands cupped his cheeks, eyes blinking in exaggeration.

 

Seungkwan thought it was cute and at the same time surprising for Vernon to do that. _Aegyo_ , he thought, was cringe-worthy, something that would curl his fingers up. But it was an exception when his best friend did it. “I’ll be proud of you if you stop doing that,” he snapped, pretending to be disgusted.

 

The relaxing jazz song coming from the café’s stereo joined their sweet silence and voices. And if not for their unfinished plates and classes the next day, Seungkwan thought that he would be more than delighted staying like this with Vernon the whole night.

 

He wondered if Vernon thought the same way.

 

 

 

It was eleven in the evening when they decided to head home. They could have walked from the café to their building, but Vernon wanted to take the bus instead. Seungkwan guessed he was tired from his shift.

 

While on the bus, Vernon plugged his earphones and listened to a hiphop song that Seungkwan had no idea of. It was probably from Drake, he thought. Seungkwan wanted to listen to music, too, but he forgot his earphones at home.

 

Suddenly, a man wearing the most casual clothes stood up and started giving out a piece of paper to each of the passengers. Seungkwan was dumbfounded as the man placed a paper on his lap.

 

“ _Homosexuality is against the teachings of God_ ,” it said on big bold letters.

 

Seungkwan, with furrowed eyebrows, looked at Vernon in confusion and annoyance. Vernon just shook his head at him and put his hand on his lap, suggesting that Seungkwan let it pass.

 

He crumpled the paper with his hand, not bothering to read the next few paragraphs after the headline.

 

“Homosexuality is a sin!” the man exclaimed as he held onto one of the bus-straps.

 

Seungkwan looked through the window, hoping that the next bus stop was near. But it wasn’t, and the traffic on the road wasn’t helping either. He wanted to get off the bus in the middle of the road. He wanted to leave.

 

“A man is for a woman. A woman is for a man,” he continued. “Our ancestors taught us this. God has taught us this.”

 

He turned his head and took a glance at the people in the bus. They were indifferent about what the man was preaching, busy with their smartphones. He glanced at Vernon and he was staggered that he was reading the paper. How could the people not care about this? How could Vernon just let this pass?

 

He felt helpless. He felt restless.

 

“These homosexuals are deluded with their lust and hunger for flesh, lost in their path towards holiness. Let us help them,” he pronounced. “They are not in love. They are just blinded with the desires of their bodies.”

 

For every word the man has spat, Seungkwan’s legs became weaker and weaker. He wanted to stand up and shout at the man for invalidating his feelings. Mingyu’s feelings. Wonwoo’s feelings.

 

He wanted to shout that he does not desire for a man’s body the most. He desired for his love, for his soul, for his entirety.

 

Seungkwan wanted to invalidate the man’s _holy_ words.

 

With all these anger in him, he thought he was about to implode.

 

Helpless.

 

Restless.

 

Then he felt someone put an earphone in his right ear. Looking to his right, he saw Vernon gazing at him. Vernon’s eyes locked into his gave him certainty that he wasn’t alone. That he wasn’t helpless. That he wasn’t restless. That an individual wordlessly stood up to comfort him, a human being that was hurt by a thoughtless man.

 

Vernon placed his hand on Seungkwan’s burning red cheeks and wiped the tears from his eye. “Don’t cry,” he whispered. “His words meant nothing. You’re nothing like what he said, Boo.”

 

Seungkwan’s lips quivered as he nodded. Something about Vernon’s words healed him as the noise coming from the man muffled. At that moment, he only heard of his favorite ballad song coming from the earphone, Vernon’s soft and faint voice, and his heartbeat calming down.

 

Everything and everyone from outside didn’t matter for a second. Only him and Vernon, the man who stood up for him. His best friend wrapped his arm on his shoulders and let him cry his heart out a bit more on his shirtsleeve.

 

After a few more minutes, the man stopped spatting his selfish words, Seungkwan stopped crying, and the bus stopped.

 

“Let’s leave,” Vernon whispered to Seungkwan’s ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really enjoyed writing this chapter because i've been wanting to build Vernon and Seungkwan's relationship to a level in which they kind of ~support~ each other in both their successes and struggles. and this chapter kind of did it.
> 
> i hoped you liked it too :) let me know what u think by commenting below :D
> 
> again, thank you for supporting this fic! til the next update :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungkwan ponders on what happened earlier; Vernon and Seungcheol visits Wonwoo's room

**2015**

Seungkwan was sitting on the bed with legs, staring blankly at the silhouette of the tree dancing behind their room’s only window. It has been almost an hour since he heard of the man’s words in the bus, and it was haunting him still.

 

He remembered his mom—the compassionate, delicate, caring woman who has been nurturing and has been by his side since. She was the same woman who would do anything just to give his only son what he needs; the same woman who understood his only son’s missteps. She was the same woman who Seungkwan loved and feared the most.

 

Seungkwan was afraid of letting her down, of showing her another failure of his. To hear a stranger earlier say out loud in public that loving someone of the same gender is sinful, he couldn’t erase from his consciousness how the people viewed him: a factory defect. And he was more frightened to picture his mom—the compassionate, delicate, caring woman he knew—saying the exact same words he heard a while ago.

 

To watch the people he loved dearly leave him, Seungkwan feared that the most.

 

“Hey, don’t think about it too much,” Vernon muttered.

 

Seungkwan looked away from the window and he saw Vernon beside him, fiddling with his fingers. “Did you… know about… this… for a long time now?” his voice trembling as he asked.

 

Vernon shrugged, and it took a few sighs and a few more fiddles before his mouth uttered words again. “I just figured it out, I guess.”

 

The brown-haired boy swung his gaze to the wrinkles of the bed sheets.

 

“It was always at the back of my mind—the possibility that you were gay,” he continued. “You were as animated as the guy in Easy A. Saw you hanging out at that bar a week ago. You haven’t even told me a single girl you liked. And from the way you reacted earlier and the question you asked me now… it pretty much confirms everything.”

 

With shoulders slumped, Seungkwan asked to himself what makes someone _gay_. Was it the flamboyant movements? The place where you hang out? The lack of openness to other people about who you like?

 

He discerned that it wasn’t any of that. You are gay because you are attracted to the same gender.

 

A wary smile surfaced on Seungkwan’s lips. “I’m sorry… for keeping this to you,” he said. It took him a tinge of courage and a huge amount of sincerity to turn his gaze back to Vernon. To his eyes this time.

 

Forehead puckered and a half-smile made visible by the faint light coming from the outside, Vernon returned the favor—their eyes meeting each other, gazing beyond their outside. “There’s nothing to apologize for, Boo,” he whispered. “I understand… I’m trying.”

 

In the absence of their words, the gap between them closed as Vernon found his hand on Seungkwan’s. Fingers intertwined, warmth shared. Their digits moved slowly, adjusting their hands to suit each other. Seungkwan explored every detail of Vernon’s hand—his soft palm, his knuckles, his thin digits—and everything felt familiar on his skin.

 

“Don’t ever think you’re a mistake,” Vernon said. “Because you’re not. To me, at least, you’re not.”

 

Seungkwan’s cheeks flushed and pupils dilated, absorbing every word and warmth that Vernon gave him. The dim room and shadows hid it for him, but he didn’t mind—dismissing his self-doubt and giving in to what he felt.

 

It was enough, the brown-haired boy thought, to have even a single person he loved dearly stay with him. He found solace, even just for the night.

 

Seungkwan rest his head on Vernon’s shoulder. “Thank you… Hansol.”

 

“You were saving my ass since high school. I’m just paying back what I owed you,” Vernon joked, holding his best friend’s hand tighter.

 

 

**2016**

“Can’t believe we’re drinking beer again,” Seungcheol said, pulling the tab from his can of beer.

 

Vernon giggled. “I wouldn’t be if you weren’t forcing me to join you since yesterday.”

 

“Yeah, right.” Seungcheol gulped his beer, and turned to Vernon with narrowed eyes after. “If it weren’t for me forcing you, you’d still be in your room thinking about Seungkwan. You should thank me.”

 

“Don’t you dare spill the beer on that couch,” a guy in his low voice warned. Wonwoo walked past Seungcheol, who was on the beanie couch, and sat beside Vernon on the comfy sofa. He handed Vernon his share of beer, to which Vernon grabbed.

 

Vernon and Seungcheol haven’t been to Wonwoo’s room until that night, and surprisingly, it was just a few walks away from the convenience store Seungkwan had his part-time job last year.

 

His room was larger and way more organized than Vernon’s. Everything all seemed in order—books, manhwas, and old cassette tapes he was collecting stacked and categorized in the wooden shelf, the wall beside his work table filled with post-its neatly put, and the clothes in his closet sorted by their color.

 

“We heard what you did to Mingyu, you punk,” Seungcheol hissed, pointing his finger at Wonwoo. “And I can’t believe we’re drinking the beer he treated us, Vernon.”

 

Vernon put a half-smile on his face, acknowledging Seungcheol’s remark (or dry joke, he wasn’t sure).

 

 

 

Keeping his blank face, Wonwoo didn’t mutter any word as he stared at the television in front of them. He was holding his beer with both hands, his finger tapping the can. Seungcheol was about to open his mouth and sputter when Wonwoo said, “I don’t know where to start.” He took a sip of his beer and paused for a while.

 

Vernon realized he guessed wrong that the two of them would make up again like they would with their past two breakups. That night, he strongly felt with Wonwoo’s tone that their breakup was serious. _Real_ serious.

 

“It was my ex… the guy Gyu caught me texting with.” He bit his lip before he took another sip.

 

It was a day after they broke up for the second time, Wonwoo had told them, that he and his ex, Lee Seokmin, crossed their paths at a local music shop. Wonwoo was searching for old cassette tapes to add into his collection, Seokmin was having his microphone fixed. Just like the local music shop they were at, Wonwoo felt nostalgic seeing his ex—remembering nothing but the fond memories they had.

 

They spent that day together—ate ramen at their favorite rustic Chinese restaurant, explored and bought books at the thrift bookstore, and stayed at Wonwoo’s room for the night. They exchanged their new numbers and promised to keep in touch. “I would be lying if I say I did not miss him and the happy virus that he was,” Wonwoo said with a fleeting smile.

 

A week after, Mingyu wanted to make up with Wonwoo, saying that he would prioritize and give Wonwoo more time. “Time wasn’t what I really needed. I guess I just needed attention from him… to have him bring back the care I gave him…” he muttered. “But I believed in him because I love him… and maybe because I thought that we might work this time.”

 

But all of it were just hope.

 

“I grew tired of Gyu’s problems and insecurities,” he said. “We would always argue the same petty things that I needed an escape. And… he was there… Seokmin… when I needed someone to ask me how my day was and ask me what’s wrong. Gyu hadn’t asked me those for quite a time now.” Wonwoo bowed his head, silencing himself.

 

“This punk.” Seungcheol got up from the beanie couch and squeezed himself beside Wonwoo on the comfy couch, his hand on the somber guy’s shoulder. “It’s been really tough for you, huh?”

 

With restless hands both on his lap, Wonwoo started sobbing. “I was selfish to do that… I am… but… was it ever wrong of me to feel lonely in the arms of Gyu? To want for someone to look after me when I’m tired?”

 

Seungcheol hushed him, rubbing Wonwoo’s back.

 

“It’s going to be alright,” Vernon said as he held Wonwoo’s delicate hand.

 

 _It’s going to be alright_. Those five words have always been engraved in him. It was his motto, perhaps. Or his professed faith. It’s going to be alright. A brighter day after a starry night is ahead of them. Vernon believes it’s bound to happen for everyone. For Wonwoo and Mingyu. For Seungcheol. For him and Seungkwan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! another update :) and from here on, i guess there will be more drama (?) or just going more in-depth with the characters' lives :D
> 
> thank u for your continuous support for this fic! <3


	10. Chapter 10

**2015**

_3am._ Seungkwan yawned and stretched his body right after turning in his final plate for his typography class online. He was too tired to even pat himself on the back. If not for the bus incident, he thought he could’ve slept earlier.

 

Before turning the lamp off on the study table, he turned to his back and found Vernon asleep on the bed with legs. Just half an hour ago, the pale-skinned boy was asking if it was okay for Seungkwan to doze off with him on the same bed. _Shouldn’t I be the one asking that_ , the brown-haired boy thought. But he realized that it wasn’t a question to draw a line between them, it was his best friend’s request asking to be permitted by him.

 

Sleeping on the same bed wasn’t really new to them. It has been a casual thing to ask to each other. Like that one night in Jeju when they watched a spine-chilling horror movie ( _Paranormal Activity_ ) together in Vernon’s room that left them both frightened. Or that time when Vernon was sick and his parents and younger sister were away from home, so Seungkwan stayed in his room to nurse him.

 

Lights were off. Seungkwan climbed on the bed and laid down beside Vernon, whose dreams he might’ve disturbed. He closed his eyes and it didn’t take that much long before he dozed off.

 

 _5am_. At the crack of dawn, Seungkwan woke up too early, still tired and sluggish. He half-opened his eyes, sight hazy. It took a few blinks for him to realize two truths that time: one, he was lying on the bed with legs; two, he was snuggling with Vernon. Arms and legs wrapped around each other, his head nuzzled up on his best friend’s chest. All his ears could hear was the slow heartbeat of the boy beside him syncing with his. Pretty amusing, he thought.

 

The scent of Vernon’s shirt reminded him of the clear blue ocean waves hitting the rocks in Jeju—a sight he clearly missed. Counting the days left before the semester ends, five months seemed to fly by so fast and in less than two weeks, they’re going back home. At an ungodly hour, a concoction of emotions filled Seungkwan. Home—it was always synonymous to his mom, homemade bibimbap, and Vernon visiting their cozy, little house.

 

A beam of smile appeared on his face and his leg jolted involuntarily, nudging his best friend who groaned in response. In deep sleep, Vernon pulled the stunned Seungkwan closer to him, embracing him skintight. The proximity of Seungkwan to the pale-skinned boy scared him—they never got this close in this bed. He closed his eyes once more, attempting to doze himself off.

 

In his mind, he estimated the distance between them. And he was right— _zero_ the distance was.

 

 _8am_. The blinding sunlight and the warmer-than-usual room woke Seungkwan up, who was all alone in the bed with legs. Face stuffed on the pillow, he let his hands do the search for his phone. When he got a hold of it, the first thing he expected was a message from his mom.

 

And that day, there weren’t any.

 

Seungkwan got up immediately (albeit his body sore and an arm dead thanks to Vernon) to call his mom.

 

 _Riiiiing_. His worry bit his nails. Every single day of the five months since he left the island, he receives a text from his mom—ranging from a single character to a paragraph. Today was an exception. Why?

 

 _Riiiiiiiiing_. Still no answer after the first ring. Seungkwan was fully awake. What was _wrong_?

 

“Hello?” a soft voice from a woman answered.

 

Seungkwan’s heart skipped a beat. “Mom?”

 

“Is there anything wrong, son?” she asked. Seungkwan couldn’t see her, but he could tell her mom’s voice was as bright as the sun rose that morning.

 

He heaved a deep sigh as his hands combed his hair. “Mom, why didn’t you text me? I was really worried… are you okay? Did you take your meds?”

 

His mom giggled. It was a harmonious music in Seungkwan’s ears, giving off a sense of affirmation and relief. “Sorry, son, I was at the market early to buy a lot of ingredients for the restaurant. I’m okay… and I took my meds earlier.”

 

Seungkwan thought that the lack of message from his mom was better at waking him up than the alarm clock set on his phone. He let out a mild chuckle.

 

“You were really worried, I can tell,” his mom said. “Don’t worry about me. Worry about your studies, okay?” Seungkwan nodded, as if his mom was right in front of him. “I miss you my chubby son.”

 

It has only hit him then that it’s been more than three weeks since he last heard of his mom’s voice. The lack of calls was because of the countless projects and hours of working that ate him alive. Not to mention the worries, fears, and doubts that surfaced. He thought Seoul was suffering dressed as a city; his friends and the pub an oasis.

 

He missed home more than ever.

 

“See you soon, mom,” he beamed.

 

“Hansol’s family and I are waiting for you two,” she replied. “I love you, son.”

 

“No matter what?” Seungkwan was clumsy with his words, regretting he asked that to his mom. Of course, his mom loved him no matter what… and somewhere in the end, a question mark appeared. _Will mom still love me when he finds out I’m gay?_ —these words looped in his mind.

 

There was a three-second pause, Seungkwan counted, until he heard her voice again. “No matter what, son,” said her mom. “I’ll get going now. Eat your breakfast, okay? Bye!”

 

The beep signaled the end of the call.

 

His stomach growled, asking to be filled with food he could afford at the moment. He had two choices: convenience store ramen or convenience store kimbap. And before he could get off the bed with legs, his wandering gaze caught a sight of food on the study table across. Ham and cheese sandwich with a strawberry milk drink alongside. He neared the table and beside the food, he found a tiny piece of yellow paper (obviously torn from his yellow pad). Written with an almost illegible handwriting, Seungkwan knew who wrote the note.

 

 _‘Eat well, Boo_ ’. Three words that all seemed to care.

 

 

 

Mingyu’s eyes went huge, bulging. Wearing the ugly bright green vest and holding a red price sticker gun, his whole body froze. “Are you fucking serious?” he uttered loud enough for the couple from the other side of the convenience store to frown at him.

 

“Shh! Yes, a sandwich and a strawberry milk,” Seungkwan whispered. He glanced at the couple and bowed to apologize all while keeping a shy smile. Mingyu winced as the brown-haired boy pinched his arm.

 

Mingyu’s eyes became dull and his shoulders slumped. “I’m not talking about the breakfast, Seungkwannie. That’s sweet. But, _you guys snuggled_?”

 

He nodded slowly with eyebrows furrowed.

 

“Ohmygodohmygodohmygod,” Mingyu panicked, fanning himself and trying to catch up with his breath. He grabbed Seungkwan firmly with his two hands on his shoulders and whispered, “He likes you. For sure.”

 

Seungkwan’s eyes widened and glimmered as if he had seen a prophecy happen right in front of him. But being the Seungkwan that he was, he instantly shut it off. “He was sleeping Mingyu. And will you please stop calling me Seungkwannie?”

 

“Who cares if he was sleeping, Seungkwannie? They say that the subconscious mind says a lot about the person more than the conscious one does,” he rebutted.

 

There was no use in rebutting with Mingyu once more. Seungkwan knew Mingyu always wins. So he just nodded, taking what he said with a grain of salt.

 

“What I’m saying is, something about Vernon changed,” Mingyu added. “And you two won’t acknowledge that. How sad.”

 

The door chimed. “Welcome,” Seungkwan greeted soullessly, not even bothering to look at the person who entered. He stole the sticker gun from Mingyu and put the labels on the bottled shampoos by himself.

 

“See?” Mingyu said, trying to prove something. Seungkwan glanced at him, whose eyes were glued at the door.

 

Following Mingyu’s gaze, Seungkwan saw the unexpected. It was Vernon—beaming a wide grin and traipsing his way towards them. “No way,” he whispered to himself. He did a quick run-through of his shared experiences with Vernon and began to ask a question: has his best friend ever been this… _thoughtful_ to him?

 

It was two years ago, as far as Seungkwan’s memory could remember, when Vernon had been close to being this _thoughtful_. After recovering from his 40-degree Celsius fever, Vernon brought a chicken sandwich, banana milk, and a new sketchbook with him to school and gave it to Seungkwan as a way of thanking him for taking care of him. He would brag he bought it with his own savings. But… that was it. That’s the closest memory he had to compare. No surprise visits in the convenience store, no fingers intertwined under the moonlight, no unconscious snuggles at 5am.

 

He realized that _thoughtful_ wasn’t the right word to describe Vernon that time. _Affectionate_ was.

 

“Hi _Vernam_ ,” Mingyu greeted, biting his cheeks to prevent himself from laughing. He definitely won.

 

Still with a wide grin, Vernon waved his hand at him and quickly set his gaze at Seungkwan. “Wanna grab some dinner?”

 

Mingyu force-grabbed the sticker gun from Seungkwan. “Excuse me, I need to… um… go work on things,” he said. Seungkwan thought it was a lame excuse as Mingyu strode away from them.

 

“Oh, wait, are you guys still working?” Vernon asked in hesitation. He looked at his watch on his left wrist. “It’s already 7pm. Your shift should be done by now, though.” He squinted his eyes and tilted his head in confusion.

 

“Right,” Seungkwan muttered. He still couldn’t comprehend what was happening and he still has a lot of questions unanswered, like how Vernon knew the end of Seungkwan’s shift that day. But he didn’t want to make things awkward for Vernon, because who wanted to? The boy had good (unclear) intentions, Seungkwan was sure. “Yeah, let’s have dinner,” he said with a bright grin on his face.

 

An endearing smile showed on Vernon’s face.

 

Seungkwan thought Mingyu was right that something changed. And it scared him more than anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vernon's acting a little different... :)) hey guys, another update!
> 
> again, thank u for continuously supporting this fic! :D every comment, kudos, bookmark, upvote, and subscription really motivates me to continue this fic despite my really busy schedule.
> 
> let me know through the comments what u think or are confused on any part of the story. i'll be glad to clarify them :)
> 
> 'til the next update :)


	11. Chapter 11

**2016**

Vernon was semi-drunk when he found himself lying down on the floor in Wonwoo’s room. It was 10pm. Too early to get drunk.

 

“Vernon,” Seungcheol called. When the pale-skinned guy set his tired eyes on him, he asked if he could borrow his phone. Vernon threw it in response without even asking why. “What’s your passcode?” he asked.

 

“Zero one one six,” he replied as he covered his eyes with his two hands. “Seungkwan’s birthday.” It slipped from his tongue but no one seemed to bother. His eyes wandered the blank white ceiling, breathing in and out, attempting to triumph over the alcohol (which was a can of beer) in his body. Why did he even drink in the first place?

 

The air-con’s hum and the silence in the room was about to call it a night for the three when Seungcheol asked, “You called Seungkwan?”

 

Vernon got up from wherever corner he was, puzzled by his senior’s question. He shook his head.

 

“You did,” he insisted, turning Vernon’s phone to him. “Last night.”

 

He crawled towards where Seungcheol was to read the timestamp displayed on his brightly-lit phone. With squinted eyes, he said, “No… I don’t remember calling him…” But he really did. He tried to recall what happened last night, only to realize that the beer he took might have left gaps in his memory. Putting the pieces together, Vernon thought that maybe it was the reason why Seungkwan sent him a message. He wondered what words he uttered to him that night. He hoped there weren’t any.

 

Seungcheol chuckled. “Don’t drink again you punk. You’re putting yourself in much more trouble. Nice photo of Seungkwan by the way,” he added before handing the phone back to its owner.

 

Vernon took a long gaze on Seungkwan’s photo in his contacts. Although blurred, he could still make out the shy smile his best friend had the night he took the photograph. It was one of the few photos he had of Seungkwan saved on his phone, and was the best one out of all.

 

“When was that?” Seungcheol asked.

 

“Last year… during _Summer Love_ at the pub.”

 

“What a night that was,” Wonwoo, who Vernon thought was already asleep on his bed, remarked. He looked at Vernon, smiling. “Especially for you and Seungkwan.”

 

Looking back at his phone, Vernon tried to find every reason why he loved that photo of Seungkwan. It was perhaps because of his soft and shy smile that Vernon loved seeing, captured in one frame, kept in his pocket. And perhaps also because of the sum of everything that has happened on that night he found in one smile.

 

Vernon read somewhere before over the internet that the first step in overcoming your fears was to recognize them. He feared Seungkwan and he feared _for_ him. He always did. It manifested in many forms, all of which were walls between them waiting to be put down.

 

On the night when he knew Seungkwan liked boys, fear creeped in his body. He wasn’t sickened, nor did he want to repel. Those never came across to his train of thought, but question marks did. _Is he still the same Seungkwan that I know? Will we still be able to do the usual things we do before? What now?_ “I understand… I’m trying” was what came out of his mouth. If there was anyone who was most fit to protect and understand his best friend that time, it was him. He suspended, dismissed his questions because he knew these would put more unwanted bricks on the wall. Instead, he held Seungkwan’s warm hand tight to knock them off. And to confront another.

 

It was probably the way their fingers and palms merged as one, or the way their eyes mutually desired to see through each other that Vernon felt his entire body acted funny. Like it knew all along what Vernon was missing out when he would hug his best friend from the back, or when his gaze would trace down to his best friend’s lips whenever he wets them. It acted on its own accord, feeding the heart as it deviated from the conscious mind and transcended the limits.

 

But, no, he liked girls. His father said _only_ to like girls, no one else. He kept repeating that to himself. He liked girls. Girls. Girls. Girls. Boys. _Boys_? Seungkwan?

 

He feared himself. He greatly feared his feelings for Seungkwan. And during _Summer Love_ last year, that special night when only couples could enter the pub, he started to overcome it by recognizing it: a realized, conscious attraction towards his best friend.

 

“Do they still have that?” Vernon asked.

 

Wonwoo shrugged.

 

“You guys wanna check?” He was the most spirited that night as he stood and convinced his two drained friends. “Come on, guys! It’s just ten in the evening. The night’s still young!”

 

“I don’t think my body can handle another beer,” Vernon said.

 

“You can choose not to drink, you know. Just join me. Wonwoo? Vernon?” Seungcheol was pleading, no, commanding as he pulled the arms of the two.

 

 

**2015**

Seungkwan still mulled over Vernon’s actions recently as he went through picking what fried chicken he would eat among the handful on the plate in front of him. All of which were drumsticks glazed with honey—his favorite, Vernon’s loathed. Most of the time, they’d fight over this, and would just both settle for spicy wings because they’re both neutral for anything spicy. But that night was strange. Really strange. When Seungkwan ordered for drumsticks glazed with honey, they both got drumsticks glazed with honey. No buts and no frowns from his best friend.

 

His chopsticks were wandering at the plate for too long when Vernon asked, “Are you okay?” Seungkwan mildly shook his head as he finally grabbed a drumstick and put it on his plate.

 

“I thought you hated honey-glazed drumsticks,” Seungkwan replied, as he took a first bite of the drumstick. He glanced at Vernon’s plate. A drumstick untouched.

 

The pale-skinned boy took a hold of the drumstick with his one hand and munched on it. “Well, I like it now,” he said, smiling. Seungkwan couldn’t believe it—his best friend ate a honey-glazed drumstick right before his eyes. He should be amazed, seeing Vernon’s delighted face as he finished one drumstick. But he didn’t.

 

“Why?” he asked rather coldly.

 

Vernon grabbed another drumstick from the plate. “I just do.” He shrugged and continued munching.

 

Seungkwan sighed. “Vernon, you don’t need to do this. If you don’t like honey-glazed drumsticks, just say so like you do before. I’m okay… I won’t cry like what I did last night.” He couldn’t think of any logical reason why Vernon took these extra steps for him other than what happened on the bus. “You don’t need to pity me.” That came out of nowhere, it even surprised him.

 

The noise from the other table filled their silence. Seungkwan turned his eyes to the left, avoiding Vernon’s stare as he put back the chicken to his plate. Through his periphery, he saw Vernon cleaning his hands with a tissue. “I’m not pitying you, Boo,” he muttered. “I’m just curious. That’s all.”

 

Seungkwan thought he has gone a bit too far. Guilt punched him as he glanced at his best friend who had his head bowed, nibbling the chicken on his plate. Vernon looked upset without even showing his face, and all Seungkwan could ponder on was how he should’ve just ate his words along with the chicken earlier. That would’ve been better.

 

He noticed Vernon’s wearing the only baby pink oversized shirt he has. It was on sale when Seungkwan bought it as a present for his birthday last year. Embarrassing, Vernon would say with a squinted eye and a half-smile, but Seungkwan knew he secretly loved wearing it. Exhibit A: tonight.

 

Great. That made the guilt punch him again, harder this time. He couldn’t stand seeing the _upset_ Vernon. That Vernon was not _the_ Vernon—the boy who would drink alcohol just for the sake of getting more creativity for his one subject. Or the boy who would wear an “embarrassing” pink shirt more often than not. Or the boy who held his hand to give him solace last night. And before the guilt could throw in another punch, he opened his mouth and let any word come out. “Do you really like it? The honey-glazed chicken?”

 

Vernon gradually revealed his face, and Seungkwan was nervous to see him gloomy. But as light passed by his face, he saw Vernon’s cheekbones resurfacing on his skin, eyes squinting, nose scrunching, and his mouth curving into a smile as he shook his head. “No…” he giggled. His face glowed once again. “I tried liking it… honey-glazed chicken’s really not for me after all.”

 

A brief sigh and a smile was let out by Seungkwan. He would admit: hearing Vernon not liking his favorite flavored chicken in the end delighted him. It seemed like he was more… honest. He realized that maybe that’s what his clumsy words wanted to tell after all—for Vernon to be honest with himself and with him.

 

 

 

The night was warmer than the usual. Strolling in the narrow and steep pavement towards home after dinner were the two boys. The quiet road hid in the dark—neighborhood hushed, vehicles still, orange streetlights faint. Seungkwan watched the pace of their feet deliberately move slower than the usual, synchronizing with each other. Left. Right. Left. Right.

 

“We’re the only ones moving here,” Vernon said, his voice husky. Seungkwan let out a faint laugh as he glanced at his best friend whose gaze was also set at him. The faint streetlight a few steps away revealed Vernon’s shy smile and eyes fond of him. Even in the dark, Seungkwan thought his best friend could still see through him.

 

Left. Right. Left. Right. Vernon’s arm would tap his. Seungkwan realized how close Vernon was getting with each step they made.

 

Left.

 

Right.

 

Left.

 

Right.

 

And at the moment Seungkwan was right under the streetlight, Vernon held his warm hand and pulled their stroll to a stop. Facing each other, Vernon neared his face to Seungkwan and whispered, “Can we stay still for a while?”

 

“Why?” he asked, puzzled.

 

Vernon shrugged. His mouth didn’t mutter any word, but his eyes answered.

 

And under the bright orange light, Seungkwan’s cheeks flushed and eyes widened as he got swirled in Vernon’s bewitching eyes. This time, darkness wasn’t present to hide what he felt for him. This time, with their hands held, he let the light bare him in front of his best friend.

 

Vernon was seeing everything and he didn’t mind. Not a single bit.

 

 _“He likes you. For sure_. _”_ Seungkwan wouldn’t believe Mingyu’s words. But at this still moment in a quiet, dark pavement, he hoped for Vernon to like him back. He hoped that he was right—that beneath those gleaming brown eyes lied the words he was looking for. So he squeezed his best friend’s hand, to let him know what he felt.

 

As if he received Seungkwan’s message, Vernon smiled. And squeezed back his hand.

 

Seungkwan’s cheeks were boiling. He wanted to beam a smile and utter a word, but his insides were in a chaos, attempting to define this newfound feeling, all of which were failing.

 

They were at still, but their souls were running around.

 

And just when Seungkwan was about to open his mouth to say something, he felt his phone vibrate from his pocket. Everything halted as he let go of Vernon’s hand.

 

It was Mingyu calling.

 

“Hello?”

 

“ _SEUNGKWANNIE_!” he shouted. The background noise gave away that Mingyu was at a party. “I’m ordering you to come here to the pub. Right now. Bring with you Vernam, or Vernon, whatever.”

 

“Not right now,” Seungkwan whispered as he glanced at Vernon asking who he was speaking to.

 

“No… right now! It’s _Summer Love_ at the pub right now. Please? My treat!” he pleaded.

 

Right. _Summer Love_ —the night Mingyu was blabbing to him for months. Seungkwan rolled his eyes. “Fine. Your treat.”

 

“Oh yeah! See you!” he cheered before he hung up.

 

Seungkwan sighed. He turned his eyes to Vernon, who was completely puzzled, and asked, “Do you want to go to _Summer Love_ with me tonight at the pub?”

 

And without even asking anything, Vernon nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well i was really challenged to write this chapter haha!
> 
> Summer Love next chapter! :) i ~might~ also do a part of the next chapter with Wonwoo/Mingyu's perspective :D let me know if you would like that.
> 
> again, thank you so much for the support!!! really appreciate it! i hope u will be with me in this journey til the end <3


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